new post?

I'm thinking about reviving this old blog for some reason. Just to have a journal I guess. I kind of miss it. I'm also doing some stuff that I don't normally talk about on the internet-I won't even offer any clues-but I will say it has nothing whatsoever to do with writing, fiction, whatever. It's more personal and closer to my heart. Sometimes you have to keep certain pieces of yourself just for yourself and those people who you are closest to. Meaning, people you actually know it real life. People who have nothing to do with the writing gig. You know, REGULAR people, who care about things other than pimping their wares and wanting something from you that you may not have the time or desire to give. Because, I've discovered that's really what writing is about. Most writers have no desire to truly be your friends. They want you to promote them, support them, etc, often without returning the favor. I wish someone had told me that in the beginning. Would have saved me a bit of heartache. But, live and learn, right? As a result of learning things the hard way, I most definitely will not forget the lessons. Concentrate on the readers. Fuck other writers. They only want to eat you alive.

But anyway. It's nearing 4:30 AM and I have no plans for sleeping any time soon. So, here I am, rambling whatever happens to come into my head. Maybe I'll try to jazz this place up a bit. Clean up the cobwebs, maybe redecorate the walls. I don't know. Ultimately I may prove to be just too lazy to mess with it, but that's okay too. It works just fine the way it is.

I think I'll probably be back soon. Hopefully. Maybe. We'll see. If this inhuman bout of insomnia lasts, it could become a regular thing again. The fiction that I've stopped writing (mostly) will be replaced with...I guess this is nonfiction? But still the wheels turn. Sorry is this is nonsensical. Like I said, 4:30 AM.

Go hug someone super hard. Give them a hug they'll never forget, because those are the best kinds. Just watch out for the knives.

whoa. back from the dead.

Yep, blogger finally hooked me up with my info for this dang thing. two years later. wow. not sure how often I'll post here, as I have my wordpress page now, but I figure I can still keep this for random ramblings that have nothing to do with my career. probably won't be of interest to anyone else but me, but gathering your thoughts now and then is a good thing, even if no one else reads it.

anyway...

something I've been thinking about lately is how we've grown into this culture of hate and dismissiveness (if that's even a real word.)

what I mean by that is most evident on place like facebook. people have these lame full-on wars about pretty much anything anyone says that they don't agree with and it has left me wanting to just delete my personal page on many days.

I'm a very liberal democrat. the things I post reflect that. just because I voice certain opinions about certain things doesn't mean I'm looking for a fight. I never check out what other people are posting and go, "well goddammit, I disagree and I'm gonna tell this person what a fucking moron they are." I figure, it's they're page, they think differently about things-whatever.

I just wish everyone had the same mentality. I can't even count the times people have come to my page for the sole purpose of fighting with me about stupid shit. and it's almost exclusively people who don't talk to me otherwise.

so, yeah, I'm an idiot and piece of shit because I don't think like you do.

that's what I mean when I say a culture of hate. people are big and bad behind their computers, aren't they? but it's a bummer when people threaten to not read my books or whatever because as an american voter, I am registered differently than they are. that's a load of horse shit right there.

I guess I just wish people would have the same respect for other peoples opinions and maybe-I don't know-take to their own pages to rant or whatever. you know, like I do.

ok, that's enough about that for now. hopefully it made a little sense.

otherwise, it's raining again. I'm really getting anxious for summer. I need some vitamin D in my life for sure.

if anyone out there in the ether happens upon this blog, I hope you are well and happy and doing what you love to do most.

peace!

abandoned moon station

wow. been a long time since I posted anything here. I just never think of this journal anymore. lots of stuff going on though. too bad I'm too tired and blah to write about it all right now. there are new books aplenty, with more on the way. it's been a cool summer so far and destined to get even cooler.

........static.............

shit. I can't even be weird or witty right now.

zZzZzZzZ

awesome sauce

Yeah, not much going on that you probably don't already know about. My novel House of Fallen Trees will be released next month from www.grindhousepress.com. Really excited about that. Working on a new horror novel too, in addition to a bizarro novel and trying to find a publisher for a collection. We'll see how that goes. Collections don't usually sell that well, so we'll see.

K's mom just had both her knees replaced. Ouch! You know how sometimes when an old person will be bummed about their failing health but then say, "But it beats the alternative!"? Well, fuck that. I think just the opposite. I'm more afraid of old age than of death. I definitely want to die before I get old and then I can say, "It beats the alternative." Old people are the bravest people I know. I'm not brave enough for that shit.

Bury me in a nameless grave, please.

anyway...

I haven't posted here in a while for a couple different reasons. The first reason is that not much has been happening writing-wise. Things are in the pipelines but moving very slowly. I had hoped to have a new book out by now, but I guess it hasn't been in the cards yet. But next month should see the release of the tp version of House of Fallen Trees. That'll be cool, especially for the readers who couldn't afford to pick up one of the limiteds. Another book should follow soon after that, but I'm not sure. We'll have to wait and see.

The second reason I haven't posted here in a while is because I started a new blog and have been there more than here. The new one is not at all writing related though, and so, I won't be sharing it with you guys. It's more about my activist work and because I tend to get harrassed for those things, I'd rather just keep it away from the writing gig. I don't need some asshole fucking with something that has nothing to do with the issues I fight for and against.

Anyway, I hope the second half of the year is more eventful than the first half has been. I definitely need to get some new work out there before everyone forgets me completely.

hangnail

Ohhhhh, baby!

Isn't it funny that some people consider me a "real" writer? Like, I get paid and everything. What a crazy hoax I have managed to pull off. I wonder when they will all discover what an imposter I really am, that my work is just so much silliness scratched into wet sand with a soggy stick.

Won't they be surprised?

No sleep again. Total delirium. Two days now.

I forget what else I was going to say...

When the Foam Solidifies

Trust me, you don't want that to happen.

Spring break is over and it's back to work.

Who wants to stay up all night with me?

Let's Be Bored Together

There is a wind storm going on right now. I'm wondering if we'll lose power. Also wondering if I should have more coffee.

I've decided that I probably have to stop drinking because of the meds I'm on. Even just a few beers makes me violently ill now. The other night I went out and shared a couple pitchers with a friend and thought I would die afterwards. I even passed out, waking up with hallucinations a little while later. Bad mojo for sure. Really sucks but this has been happening for a while. Unless I get off the med...

So, another pointless journal entry from the queen of pointlessness. There is a rabid raccoon in my ear.

gah!!!

Editors! Nag, nag, nag. Then, when they get what they want,-nothing. Dead silence. Some of them treat you like a one-night-stand they are ashamed they ever had. I understand being busy-I really do. But come the fuck on. Months go by. And the kicker is, most of them are also writers, so they KNOW they are treating you like shit. It's just so rude. And I'm sure I'm the bitch for complaining about it, but that's okay. It's a role I'm getting used to playing.

Seriously though. I only have so much patience. "All I'm asking for-is a little repect."

Okay. I feel better now. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

BUT I DON'T WANNA!!!!

Can you hear me whining/screaming that from wherever you are in the world? If not, that's pretty surprising.

I'm editing a book (my own) which is never fun. Making the changes that an editor has requested isn't the problem though. It's the fact that, if I'm working on a book I haven't read for a while, then I want to change EVERYTHING. I can't believe I wrote such crap. Must make it prettier, nicer, more gory, less gory, italics or no italics? What was I thinking!!!???

Yeah, that's my job. If you want to trade, I'm open to discussing it.

Here's something off the subject:

I wonder how guys feel about being called "son" by other guys-particularly ones who are not their fathers or grandfathers. I think that would annoy me. As in, "Put down the weapon, son." Or "Did you know you have a tail light out, son?" Or "TV will make you puke green chunks, son."

You get the idea.

That would drive me crazy. I think the female equivelant is "young lady," which I can't stand. It's so condescending. The last person to call me young lady was yelling at me and as a result I replied with "old man." It wasn't that long ago either. Maybe a few years. The guy is a serious asshole. Not a funny one. A SERIOUS one.

I'm just rambling in an attempt to avoid work. Did I mention I don't wanna?

Severe Rope Burn & Death

That's what's been happening with me lately. I was out walking my dog and she decided to run AT a car that was also running AT her. The leash locked in a weird way, so I grabbed at the rope part and then three of my fingers were practically smoking. The chucks taken out of two of them-well, let's just say the rope actually cauterized the wounds, it was moving so fast. Not sure if that's common or not, but it's the first time it ever happened to me. The whole time this was going on, I managed to continue having a conversation with one of my neighbors.

We were talking about another neighbor-a guy who I've shared a wall with for the last seven years and who had committed suicide the day before. No one really knows why he did it. His sandals are still sitting out on his back steps-his various gardening tools. I can look up at the window of his spare bedroom at night and see that his computer is still on, the monitor glowing just like always. All these little things. I think about him being on the other side of my wall, first desperate, then dying, then dead. And I was just going along like always, without a clue.

He was happy and cheerful all the time. Or, at least, he pretended he was. He certainly had me fooled.

I hope they're playing disco for him, wherever his is. He loved ABBA and had the license plate to prove it.

Oh, yeah. The dog is fine.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

You want to know the secret? Just do what I do. Call out stupid wherever you find it. Trust me. Works every time.

The Infinite Question

I was having a conversation with a friend last night and "the question" came up again. The same one that is so often put to me. It's this: "Gina, why are you so angry about FILL IN THE BLANK." And here is my answer: "Because no one else is and someone needs to be."

At least it seems like no one else is sometimes, though I know that's not literally true. But it's close enough to piss me off. I would love to be able to just kick back, relax and watch someone else be angry about, say, sexism or racism or speciesism. I would love to say, "Right on! You tell 'em!" But rarely does that happen. What I see is people ignoring it. They can't be bothered. No one steps up to the plate, so I have to. SOMEONE has to.

I know people who say, "Oh, yeah, that's wrong, but I can't focus on that because I don't want that negativity in my life." Which to me is lazy, cowardly and selfish. Completely understandable though. Who doesn't want to be that person sometimes? I would LOVE to be that person.

But I don't have it in me and I think that if more people felt the way I do, then maybe more change would start to happen in the world.

Last night I joked that I was probably born into the wrong era because it seems like all the important, winnable (sp?) wars have already been fought. Not completely won, of course-there are aways more little battles to fight-but others have thrown themselves down on the sword already. The fight to live in a world that is kinder to animals and the environment will not be won. People are just too selfish and will not listen. That is heartbreaking to me, but there it is. It will be the end of us but not enough people give a shit about that. They just want their steaks and for me (and others) to shut up about it.

But, I'm an opinionated bitch and I will never shut up.

I was also told last night that all this "righteous anger" and worry can't be good for my heath. That's probably true but, like I said, if not me, then who?

Yes, I'm sure I'm a huge asshole, but feel free to tell me so anyway. Let it all out. Get pissed. It will do you good.

new month, new guitar

Reminds me of TRON, so I'll be shaking my fist at the calendar all month. Yep.

explode

soon, I will explode. listening to lies and bullshit while smiling and nodding and keeping your mouth shut will do this to you. but eventually, the truth will come out. the question is, will I nudge it along or blow the fuck up? probably both.

I demand to see the manager!

Who's running this joint, anyway? The service is terrible! An update, what? Once a month? At best? This place sucks!

Wow. I'm sleepy. And all the caffeine in the world doesn't seem to be helping. I picked a bad year to quit doing lines. (That's a joke, btw. As if I could afford coke. I'm a fricken writer!)

I should have a regularish (I just made that word up--go me!) update in the nearish (!!!) future. You know, about stories and stuff. But right now, I got nothing to share. Editors, right? Pokey, pokey, pokey! And here I sit, waiting by the phone (not really).

So, blah. See you next month(ish)!

2010

I remember this time last year, thinking that 2009 was going to be amazing. Well, it really wasn't. In fact, it pretty damn well beat me into submission. So much so that I'm scared to be hopeful for 2010, which in itself is very depressing.

Blah.

And blah again.

I'm so tired...

Poetry and Oprah

I had a dream last night that Oprah was asking to see some of my poetry. I didn't want her to be disappointed so I rummaged through notebooks, pretending to see if I had any examples and tehn had to tell her, "Sorry. I don't have any with me."

She was disappointed anyway, which bummed me out. I told her, "But I've written a bunch of books." I was going to give her copies but she didn't seem that interested and said, "Yeah, maybe I'll pick those up." But I knew from the way she said that she probably wouldn't.

It's important to note that I don't really write poetry and evidently, neither does Dream Me. Dream Me didn't want to tell Oprah that though.

Am I spelling her name right? It looks weird to me. Not as weird as the dream though. Any dream experts out there who feel like explaining this to me? Because I am baffled.

But, she was nice nonetheless. There was other shit in there too, but I think that was the most important part.

You know what I hate? Soft toothpicks.

That is all.

K's New Toy

So, K bought an espresso machine yesterday. Today, while examining the tiny one ounce cups, I noticed that they were very high quality. Thick, heavy glass. I said, "Wow. You could huck one of these at someone's head and probably kill them."

I kinda got yelled at. "Only YOU would think of something like that!"

I probably made a face in response. Sheepish? Maybe. Befuddled? Probably.

But, really. Am I the only one who would think of something like that? Really?

I wonder...

The Shower Popper

Did I ever tell you about the spooky being I have come to call The Shower Popper? No, I know I didn't. Because it's embarrassing. But, in my house, there are several bathrooms. In one, where I like to do my thing, every so often-but not that often-once in a while, a shadowy figure will POP out of the shower while I'm on the john. That's pretty scary, right? Even more scary-the Shower Popper will sometimes even snap my picture just as it POPS out.

Usually, I scream. It is quite terrifying, as anyone who has ever been surprised while on a toilet will attest to.

Here is a picture of me the first time I was assaulted by the Shower Popper:



Yes, my hair was blue. It was a while ago.

Then, several months later, after I shaved my head from embarrasement, BAM, the Popper got me again:



And, later that same day, after I'd gathered my courage and talked myself into thinking I must have imagined the whole thing (Twice) the Shower Popper struck again!



As you can see, going into that bathroom is no picnic for me. But at least I have the photographic evidence of some sort of foul play. Or maybe it's PARANORMAL ACTIVITY?

You be the judge.

Oh, and why I wear enormous black shades with flames on the sides while I'm in the bathroom is none of your damn business. (It's a REALLY bright bathroom!)