Check this out!

http://www.aftonbladet.se/webbtv/sport/article4208764.ab

The video is in Swedish, but I think you'll get what's going on. 72 year old woman, way more buff than I'll ever be. Started training at 46-doing 55 push-ups. Amazing and inspiring.

In Mourning

Someone very close to me died two years ago today and it's hitting me like a fucking truck. I don't know what to do with myself. Trouble concentrating. There is no place dark enough to hide.

"I'm over...I'm over...I'm over...I'm broken."

Work Area

Just fiddling around here, tossing ideas back and forth with my editor and trying to get some work done. Sucking down some java, transcribing hand-written pages to the computer. Sat back and for some reason wanted to mark the moment with a pic. I took it just minutes ago and here is it, folks: where the magic happens. Exciting, eh? You can see I have my collection of Boogily Heads for inspiration, plenty of vitamins (because they are GOOD for you!) and even some deodorant because you just never know. And, yes, I scribble on pretty much everything.

Ok, that was fun for a minute. Back to work.

What It Takes

I'm really beginning to wonder if I have what it takes to "go all the way" in the writing biz. Whatever that may mean--which is different things to different people. I'm not even really sure what it means to me. But even at the level I'm at now, I'm finding certain things more than just a little unsavory.

I'm just not comfortable with the amount of self-whoring (for lack of a better term) it seems to entail. I see people, whose work I like and some I even consider friends, just whoring themselves to the point where it makes me nauseous and embarrassed for them. It is painful to see people begging for attention, begging others to buy their books, begging, begging, begging. Nominating themselves for things, for crying out loud.

The whole thing is distressing to me. Is that really what I'll have to do to get people to notice my work? Probably. Will I do it? Never to that degree. I'd rather go back to working a cash register, truth be told.

So maybe I don't have what it takes, after all. And I'm actually glad of that fact. Take it as you will, but I like my dignity exactly as it is, thanks.